Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
