How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
