Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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