The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
