Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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