Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
