You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
