Pregnant stripper...not hot.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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