so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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