how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
