there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
