All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
