he thought i was a dude.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
