we're blogging at a bar
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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