Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
