I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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