I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
