btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
