Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
