Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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