he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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