I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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