I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
