you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Randomize
