just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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