u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
