shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
