At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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