oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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