Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
