i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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