just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Barsexuality is the new black.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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