xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
