I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
