The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
