ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
