When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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