Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
