His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
