is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
