Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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