I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
