suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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