I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
