Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
