If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
