Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
