you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
