Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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