Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize