Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
