So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
