so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
