So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
