ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
