she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
