This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
