I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?