He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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