I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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