you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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