your parents love me but you hate me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
