Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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