She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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