Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
