don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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