I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
