btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
