I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
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bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
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There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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