We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
