She's JV to your varsity
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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