I heard we made out
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
