he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
